


Stewie's Afternoon

by jeffthemermaid



Category: Family Guy (Cartoon)
Genre: Action, Cartoon Physics, Cussing, Dysfunctional Family, Humor, Humorous Ending, Mother-Son Relationship, Short One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-17
Updated: 2018-07-17
Packaged: 2019-06-11 19:04:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15322200
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jeffthemermaid/pseuds/jeffthemermaid
Summary: Stewie tries to assassinate Lois.





	Stewie's Afternoon

“Die you cadaverous bitch!”

 Stewie scrambled out from his hiding place behind a flower pot and threw his grenade at Lois.

“Stewie, Mommy doesn’t have time to play right now.” She apologized, ignoring the grenade as she stepped outside, narrowly missing its explosion.

“Blast, foiled again.” Stewie complained, narrowing his eyes. “You won’t escape me next time mother.”

He scuttled across the floor, headed to his bedroom to regroup and plan until he spotted Brian and the Fat Man sneaking out the back door.

“Oi, oh I say, what’re you two up to?” He demanded, blocking their path.

“Oh hiya Stewie,” Peter, the Fat Man greeted his son, looking a little flustered. “Whatcha doin out here by yourself huh?” He asked, pretending to care before running as fast he could out the door.

Stewie turned to Brian, who just shrugged and poured a martini. “What can I say, Peter’s got problems. And they have nothing to do with me.”

Stewie sighed in exasperation. “If I want anything done around here I have to do it myself.”

Brian eyed Stewie thoughtfully.

“Why are you always trying to murder your parents Stewie?”

Stewie inspected his nails with fake nonchalance.

“Well I should think it would be obvious Bri, the Fat Man is an easy target, and Lois, I just plain don’t like her.”

Brian nodded as if he agreed. “Oh yes of course, it couldn’t after all, have something to do with say, a burning desire for their attention?”

Stewie was aghast. “Me? Need attention from that blithering slob and that, that, that unchaste bitch? I’ve never been more insulted in all my life.”

The smallest Griffin turned and ran outside, his anger clouding his vision as he ran right out into the street.

“Stewie!” Lois shouted in panic as she dove into the street, grabbing her baby and rolling onto the neighbor's lawn just as a bus careened past them.

It took Stewie a moment to recover from his shock, when he’d got his bearings again he stared up at Lois in amazement.

“Why, why Lois, you’ve saved my life.”

“Oh Stewie.” Lois cuddled him tight, relieved he was safe.

“Well, I guess you get to live until next week then.” Stewie relented, enjoying his mother’s loving embrace briefly before scrambling from her grasp.

“Push off bitch, only so much Stewie to go around you know. Everyone wants a slice.”

 


End file.
